#PTSD Awareness Month/ Tribute and Poetry Offering

It is June, 2013, and #PTSDAwarenessMonth. One would think everyone would know about Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome by now….after all, we’ve been at War for over 10 years and counting. We’ve been at war a lot longer than we knew as the history of our Nation’s secret wars are still coming to light and our leaders reckless disregard for human life is front and center everyday in Independent Free Media. #PTSD is not the exclusive realm of those brutalized by war, fighting it or victim of it, it is now the property of every human being alive. The unthinkable losses that are being felt from Globalization of corrupt and irresponsible Corporate entities (in the United States we call them “Citizens”) and their Political cronies have reached into the depths of every society and tribe in the world. With Co2 reaching 400 ppms, the glaciers melting at breakneck speed, which is very fast for glaciers, and the added threat of annihilation of all life on Earth, we know in our hearts that the intentional slaughter of everything from indigenous Peoples to wolves, whales, dolphins and food sources around the world is doom for not just their species, but our own.

And there is War, un-winnable, perpetual WAR. The remarkable stupidity of the World’s ruling elite is dizzying, and it is left up to those of us who have always been nothing more than fodder for that small segment of Society to come together with more than demands, but action of our own to aid one another in slowing the demise of our beloved and only home, Mother Earth. Yet, we are War Weary, we are lost in the demise of a Society that was doomed before it ever had the chance to fulfill it’s promises to itself let alone to our Children. That is for another entry, another “Poem”, another ” Soul Offering”.

It is June, 2013, and #PTSD Awareness Month. I place the hash tag for the benefit of my Twitter friends who are the ones who made me aware of this Month’s focus, and for your use, so you may be made aware of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For an epidemic disorder, little is known about it, even by those who suffer this devastating result of life in the realm of the Ruling Elite, of Patriarchal Autocrats. Perhaps this offering can touch some of you who, like us all, know we are alone in the Society imagined in our collective consciousness, but are all to numerous in the reality of the Society that is. For others, it’s a depth of isolation that you will not be able to touch in your Spirit, but perhaps your heart will cry out at the outrage of such profound, lifelong suffering.

THE WOLF

Here I am again, suffering….

The pain in spirit befuddles my mind,
thoughts of my actions, humiliation, not humility
fear not confidence, shame not forgiveness

Turning and turning the offending behaviour in my mind’s eye

stabbing my heart and my pride

fear of loss….

time in anguish sensing some great loss

What Loss?

Why does this hurt so deeply?

Oh, Loss, the Fourth Step

All fear comes from fear of loss…
Loss of What?
In my pain, I cannot guess or think or imagine

The picture of myself, in those moments of unconscious behaviour
Oh, that painful, humiliating act by mouth or movement…
What loss????

It is only me, looking at myself, wondering how on earth
Did I Not Know Better!?!?
Was I tired? sick? in pain? or just crazy again? Again…
Again caught in the insidious web of my own insanity, so far removed…

Fear of Loss?
The loss of myself, Again….
This fragile mind so secure in its propriety, its found sanity…
How dare it raise its head in public!!??!!

Oh, the struggle to rest, to sleep.
My incriminating shame tearing at my consciousness as a wolf devours its prey,
blood dripping and bones gnawed….
such a fate preferred over this suffering.

No, this is not new…this is my companion, the bane of my life….

But I have not time now. I must face the world of people again, Oh, No!
Please! Please don’t let me slip into that same place!
Not now! Please! I could not bear it so soon again!

Oh, must I go, must I do anything but sit here, lay there,
pace where there is space to do so….
If this pain could bring tears, I would cry, I cannot.
If this pain could be healed, I would run to the Healer, I will not.
If this pain could be coddled, I would crawl into the arms of….?
but who can comfort me? None, none here, none now.

I can’t forgive myself, as the images torment my mind and my heart and my spirit.
I can’t see anything but my ignorance.
I dare not think too long on how others must have perceived me,
to do so fills me with dread and impending doom,
permeating my whole being, causing a collapse in and out of myself

I have become ill, debilitated with this pain, fear
fear of loss…. of what?

I cannot find a place of acceptance for myself
there is no where for me to go with this nightmare
I must wash it from within……how?
By knowing what the fear is, the loss is?

Coming face to face with my own ignorance is not a bad thing….
fertile ground for Spiritual growth…
but me, I just fall into the darkness, face to face with my Black Wolf.
We stare at each other…once again…sizing up
Who will be victor this time?

I am hopeful of a full recovery, for as the pain works within me
I shed, once again, more of my ignorance…
Now knowing my fear….
That “I” should be victor,
My loss….
That my Wolf would not….

Copyright 2008 by JD Adam
All rights retained by Author. The Wolf may be freely copied and freely distributed without request as long as this copyright notice remains in place.