PTSD: This is what I KNOW…….

HOW DO WE ‘CATCH’ PTSD? By experiencing two or more opposing realities within a single experience. Example, “I am Child, I am Safe” & “I am Child and I hurt when you love me.’ And the most obvious of those with PTSD are soldiers. Example, “I’m here to save lives, keep MY Country FREE and help these people.” … you shoot one DEAD! So tell me, how do we allow our Soldiers to be continually experiencing in virtual reality, an event that SPLIT THEIR SOUL?

The Jesuits were well aware of the damage to body and soul that lies cause. Our mind is not capable of holding two opposing conscious thoughts at the same instance. Try this, think of a past hurt that still stings a little, immediately allow your emotions to rise with the first thought that comes to mind. Now, picture the perpetrator and loudly without voice, speak “I Love You.” Notice the difference in your thinking? This is a testament to the healing of the Confessional for us Humans. Being honest with ourselves. Otherwise, we find ourselves engulfed with experiences causing psychic breaks we have no control of.

Without WAR, and the continuation of Crimes of Humanity Against Children, we can grow within each generation a competence to create a way to LIVE, rather than TO DESTROY.

PTSD / PTSS is a reality for every person in every generation in recorded history. It’s time Human Societies find a way to live and not to die, to free ourselves and not be enslaved from cradle to grave. Whatever “labels” are given to psychic breaks, they diminish the seriousness of the issue; in other words, the labels themselves are lies.

Mostly, we must judge ourselves as we judge children, magnanimously; with the gracious tenderness of LOVE. Know thyself in fullness, Beloved Child, and forgive all ……..

Within Eternity lies duration and TIME. Time only exists within Creation. We exist within Eternity that holds both. As Human Beings we are in Creation/Time where transformation can exist.  TIME!  A very sorry bit of time with unmitigated Global Warming ignored by our enslavers…


…on the Isle of Cyclopes


I Offer you the Following, my Fellow Over-comers…With all my Heart.


Here I am again, suffering….

The pain in spirit befuddles my mind,
thoughts of my actions, humiliation; not humility.
Fear not confidence,  shame not forgiveness

Turning and turning the offending behaviour in my mind’s eye

stabbing my heart and my pride

fear of loss….

time in anguish sensing some great loss

what Loss?

Why does this hurt so deeply?

Oh, I think I shall die…this time…

All fear comes from fear of loss…
Loss of What?
In my pain, I cannot guess or think or imagine

The picture of myself, in those moments of unconscious behaviour
Oh, that painful, humiliating act by mouth or movement…
What loss????

It is only me, looking at myself, wondering how on earth
Did I Not Know Better!?!?
Was I hungry? angry? lonely? tired or just crazy again?  Again…
Again caught in the insidious web of my own insanity, so far removed…

Fear of Loss?
The loss of myself, Again….
This fragile mind so secure in its propriety, its found sanity…
How dare it raise its head in public!!??!!

Oh, the struggle to rest, to sleep.
My incriminating shame tearing at my consciousness as a wolf devours its prey,
blood dripping and bones gnawed….
such a fate preferred over this suffering.

No, this is not new…this is my companion, the bane of my life….

But I have not time now.  I must face the world of people again, Oh, No!
Please! Please don’t let me slip into that same place!
Not now! Please! I could not bear it so soon again!

Oh, must I go, must I do anything  but sit here, lay there,
pace where there is space to do so….
If this pain could bring tears, I would cry, I cannot.
If this pain could be healed, I would run to the Healer, I will not.
If this pain could be coddled, I would crawl into the arms of….?
but who can comfort me?  None, none here, none now.

I can’t forgive myself, as the images torment my mind and my heart and my spirit.
I can’t see anything but my ignorance.
I dare not think too long on how others must have perceived me,
to do so fills me with dread and impending doom,
permeating my whole being, causing a collapse in and out of myself

I have become ill, debilitated with this pain, fear
fear of loss…. of what?

I cannot find a place of acceptance for myself
there is no where for me to go with this nightmare
I must wash it from within……how?
By knowing what the fear is, the loss is?

Coming face to face with my own ignorance is not a bad thing….
fertile ground for Spiritual growth…
but me, I just fall into the darkness, face to face with my Black Wolf.
We stare at each other…once again…sizing up
Who will be victor this time?

I am hopeful of a full recovery, for as the pain works within me
I shed, once again, more of my ignorance…
Now knowing my fear….        That “I” should  be victor,
My loss….        That my Wolf would not!


Copyright  2008 by JD Adam
All rights retained by Author.  Wolf may be freely copied and freely  distributed without request as long as this copyright notice remains in place.

I look forward to your comments.

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